My Selfless Love

I’m going to make a confession: I never really dated anyone before I met this dude. Okay, you may have a lot of questions regarding that sentence, I understand. And to answer a few frequently asked ones; yes, I went on a few dates but none of them end up being my boyfriend and of course, I also have a few crushes, which also didn’t end up the way I wanted to. 

Some people say maybe I demanded too much. When I asked them why they think so, they simply said “You love watching all those movies and bands, so maybe somehow you expected to find someone as cool as them?” That was hilarious. I do love those actors and musicians, but I’m also realistic. But the sentiment about being ‘too demanding’ stuck with me for a while. Does that mean I’m not allowed to have some kind of standards and just settle for less? Do I have to instantly say yes to the first person who comes forward, just because everyone’s rushing me to get married? 

My mother used to be one of the people who rushed me to get married. I can tolerate her and her concerns. However, a few years ago, I think she had a conversation with an aunt. She assured my mother not to worry so much about it, the time will come. One day she asked, ‘Do you want me to introduce you to someone or do you want to keep looking by yourself? I mean, I can try asking my friends…” 😂 We agreed she can introduce me to someone, but everything was up to me, and I’ll also do it my way.

I’m one of those friends in internet memes, who gives a lot of relationship advice but never plays the game. The truth is for a long time, I honestly thought I couldn’t afford to be in a relationship. Energy and emotion-wise. I’m quite lucky and privileged in my life because my mother works so hard for us. But there’s always hardship in life, right? I felt like I needed to navigate myself through this adulthood thing and let them shape me as an adult before having a relationship. Maybe that’s quarter-life crisis speaking, but it’s not fully wrong. A lot of people go through awful hardships even harder than me, but life itself is pretty complicated, right? I just knew I had to deal with myself first before I could afford a relationship. 

I don’t exactly have a five-year plan or something, but I always thought that I’d find a job and when I’m ready to settle down, that’s when I’ll look for a serious boyfriend. And by ‘serious boyfriend’ I mean someone who agrees to commit to a long-term relationship, maybe after a few dinner dates. It sounds so easy in my head. But out loud, in reality, it sounds crazy, right? I know. What’s even crazier is that’s kind of exactly what happened. 

I thought it must be nice to have someone to talk to, other than my best friends. Someone I can truly share anything with. I thought I’m a difficult person and I will definitely be a difficult partner. I wonder if there’s someone out there who would ever stand to spend the rest of their life with me?

Then I met you and everything makes sense.

Of course, it’s going to be someone like you. And I’m glad it’s you.

So yeah, I married that guy who asked me about the possibility of a marriage after a few dates, while sipping on iced coffee on a weekend, way past my curfew.

Thank you for always being so kind and loving even when I’m not on my best days. With you, I’m learning to be more patient and to be a lot more selfless.

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